Guest Blogger: Happily Ever After

“Happily ever after”… there really such a thing?
by Dr. Nancy H. Wall

Let’s face it, the real question you are asking is whether there is a “happily ever after” for you.

And the real answer is yes, there is a “happily ever after,” if you really want there to be!
It all comes down to your attitude and your definition of happiness.  Do you really want happiness?  Do you really want to live “happily ever after?”  If so, then you, and only you, can make it happen!

How do you define Happiness?  Think about it.  Write it down.

Is your definition specific to you?  Does it include what really makes you happy, or is your definition based on what you see or feel others think defines happiness?  Be specific and rewrite your personal definition, so that it works for you.

Happiness really does come from within.  To live “happily ever after,” first you need to determine what “happy” really means to you!  In my work and research I deal with many singles and couples.  Many times Singles will define happiness as “you know, those couples that you see strolling together, hand in hand.”  These individuals who are single assume that all couples are happy just because they are paired; they are in what seems to be a happy relationship. 

Is your definition of happiness only to be paired, to have someone else in your life?  I’ll bet that you haven’t dug deep enough, inside, to come up with a working definition of happiness.  I’m certain your definition of happiness does not stop at being paired, or coupled, or walking hand in hand.  Typically this limited definition stems from an area of vulnerability or incompleteness within.  If something you really want in life is lacking, that missing piece defines happiness at that time for you.  Therefore, you reason that you are not happy, since you don’t have it.  For example, if you are single and want to be in a relationship, you sometimes forget your great job, your loving and supportive family, your true friendships, your sparkling personality, your XXXXX (you fill in the XXXs that really define your happiness), and focus on the relationship you don’t have.   This lack of relationship takes over and determines whether you are happy or not.  Don’t let it!  You can be happy whether in a relationship or single.

Happiness is a lot deeper than just walking along together, even if you are holding hands. Just ask some of the married couples I coach.  Are they really living “happily ever after?” 

The good news is that many of them absolutely are!  Each person in the relationship has
defined happiness for him or her self, and they are living their happiness together.  Does that mean that their definition of happiness is just being in a relationship with another?  Does that mean that they are “happy” every moment of every day, and that there are no conflicts, stressors or upsets in their lives?  Absolutely not!  They are working on their goals, to live “happily ever after” for themselves, and doing it as a couple.  Each individual within the couple has to be happy, in order for the couple to be happy.  They are happy as singles, so when they come together as a couple, they are a happy, healthy couple! 

And, to be fair, there are also many couples out there, that we see walking hand in hand, that are not happy, much less living “happily ever after.”  They are going through the motions each day, but are not really happy.  If you ask them outright whether they are happy, they will tell you “no.”  We do not know what goes on behind closed doors, nor do we really want to!  In those cases, the individual has not made him or her self happy first.  Just being a couple is not enough for true happiness!

Spend time with yourself, looking at yourself, your achievements, and what really makes you happy, so you can choose to live “happily ever after.”  Stop spending so much time looking at others and defining your happiness in terms of others.  Focus on you!

You can live “happily ever after” if you choose to!  You have the choice, and no one else can make it for you!  When you wake up each morning, you can choose to make it a good day!  Stop outsourcing this power!  Once you really define what makes you happy, start putting together your goals; goals that you can achieve, in order to get the results you want.  If you want to live “happily ever after,” get there, if you are not already there!

Create your “happily ever after” this New Year!  Have a happy, healthy Valentine’s Day!

Dr. Nancy H. Wall, a certified Life Coach and Matchmaker, is President and Founder of Tampa Bay MatchMakers.   She is passionate about helping singles connect, and through her targeted relationship advice and singles’ introductions, numerous life-long partnerships and marriages have resulted. 

Dr. Wall earned her PhD in Adult Education from the University of South Florida, an MBA from Crummer Graduate School/Rollins College, a BS in Psychology from Duke University, and holds certifications in Matchmaking from the Matchmaking Institute in New York, Life Coaching from Coach Training Alliance, and Project Management from George Washington University.

For more information, visit her website at, or contact her directly at Nancy@TampaBayMatchMakers.comor (813) 907-0410.

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